![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My name is alex (non-capitalised). I am 20. I have had a number of blogs in the past but have never really committed to writing them, mainly due to my extremely poor mental health and the fact that I have a predilection to deleting whatever I've put out when it gets recognised, even though ostensibly this work is made public to be seen in some fashion.
I think, honestly, that I am really very deeply conflicted, but I endeavour to be kind.
There is not much to be said about me as an individual. Most of what you will see here amounts to little more than incoherent schizoposting. It makes sense in the moment, but dissolves after some time passes.
I have recently gotten over a severe repetition compulsion that has made someone I care a lot about miserable. I spend 99% of my time being very calm and empty, and I rarely feel anything else, except momentary fits of rage. Detachment is the general standard. I am not really familiar with the fine details of what I am "suffering" from, but I have some ideas. The experience of genuine mental clarity is rare for me. My alienation is self-imposed and correct.
I have committed my remaining time alive to the attempt to finish a Gesamtkunstwerk that I have been working on since 2014. It is not an honour in any regard, but I do derive some vague satisfaction from completing parts of it which are clearly up to snuff, and in that sense I am comfortable as long as it is not viewed with deep intent.
That is, in effect, the extent of me.
I think, honestly, that I am really very deeply conflicted, but I endeavour to be kind.
There is not much to be said about me as an individual. Most of what you will see here amounts to little more than incoherent schizoposting. It makes sense in the moment, but dissolves after some time passes.
I have recently gotten over a severe repetition compulsion that has made someone I care a lot about miserable. I spend 99% of my time being very calm and empty, and I rarely feel anything else, except momentary fits of rage. Detachment is the general standard. I am not really familiar with the fine details of what I am "suffering" from, but I have some ideas. The experience of genuine mental clarity is rare for me. My alienation is self-imposed and correct.
I have committed my remaining time alive to the attempt to finish a Gesamtkunstwerk that I have been working on since 2014. It is not an honour in any regard, but I do derive some vague satisfaction from completing parts of it which are clearly up to snuff, and in that sense I am comfortable as long as it is not viewed with deep intent.
That is, in effect, the extent of me.
